Creating New Money Narratives

Last week I shared the origins of the narrative that most directly harms my relationship with money. The narrative is that I should be a martyr, but with really nice clothes. Today I want to share how I’ve reframed this narrative into something positive and helpful. 

The first step is to determine whether there are any helpful nuggets hidden in your not-so-helpful narrative. Even though my narrative conflicts with itself and made it difficult to make financial decisions that feel aligned with who I am, there is a lot of good in there. 

Once I’ve identified the good, which in this case is: (1) doing good things for others and (2) appreciating things that make me happy, I’m able to rewrite the phrase into something that aligns with my values. 

My new narrative: I do good for the world, and for myself. 

There are still times when I struggle with maintaining the positive, reframed version of my narrative as the one that steers my relationship. I notice that when I’m particularly stressed, tired, sick, or not in tune with my emotional state I fall back into my old thinking patterns. I think that I should help others in ways that directly hurt myself or break my own healthy boundaries. I think I need to live a lifestyle that puts wealth on display (but, you know, in a classy way…). 

On my better days I catch this thought pattern and I’m able to stop it. I have to disengage from whatever I’m doing (get off the phone, get off my laptop, leave the room) and take some deep breaths. I then have to repeat my new narrative over and over again. Sometimes I can do this in my head and it’s plenty. Sometimes I have to do this out loud. Sometimes I have to emphasize the first part of the sentence: “I do good for the world”, and sometimes I have to emphasize the latter: “and for myself”. 

There are other days when I don’t even realize that the negative pattern is running in my brain. Those are the days when I end up making decisions that feel prickly because they are misaligned with my values. I know they don’t feel good, but it is often that I can’t pinpoint why until the next day, or sometimes the next week. 

I know it is a cliche, but this process is truly a journey. I promise your path won’t be a straight line, and it’s impossible to say how many loop-de-loops you’ll end up doing. My path feels a lot like this: 

As long as you continue to move forward, continue to reflect and continue to work toward alignment you are going in the right direction. Wherever you are on your journey, I’m here for you. 

XOXO