True Life: I’m a Shopaholic // Post #2: The Hedonistic Treadmill
This post is part of a larger series on shopping and I want YOUR input!
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Americans are not known for frugality. In fact, our materialism and deep desire for more has been part of our cultural identity since the first European conquerors arrived in America. Our “founding fathers” wanted more freedom – not just because they didn’t like to listen to someone else’s orders, but because they didn’t want to pay taxes. Not long after, Americans participated in western exploration and migration that centered upon the belief that it was the right of Euro-Americans to conquer and own everything from the Atlantic to Pacific Ocean. I remember learning about this concept, Manifest Destiny, in my high school U.S. History course and simultaneously feeling disgusted (how dare they think they can just take someone’s land!) and in awe (what must it be like to feel so drunk with power? ). At the time I didn’t connect these early American principles to my teenage existence, but they were absolutely playing a part in my day-to-day life.
Pop Question: Founding Father or American Teenager? A belief in one’s own exceptionalism (talk about conceited), fighting for independence at all costs (“F you Mom and Dad! And the British!”) and believing you are destined for greatness. Trick question! Turns out they are one and the same. Unfortunately for our wallets and foreign relations, we don’t tend to grow out of this mindset.
We might even get worse.
As a whole, we believe that it is our right to own things, land, money and ideas. We believe that owning more and flaunting it is good – just think about who the most famous Americans are right now. We believe that we are exceptional, special, unique and, most importantly, better than everyone else.
Some of this is good – our fierce independence and pride keeps us ambitious. It fuels innovation and a desire to better ourselves and the world around us. The problem is that keeping a balance between our desire to improve the world and our desire to own the world is tough. Social media, traditional media and friendships make this even harder. We are literally bombarded with the idea that more is better -- marketing execs have created whole genres of advertising that are based on our very real human desire to be better -- “if I only lost those 5 pounds; if I could just get those sneakers that I saw her wearing the other day; if I just joined that fancy co-working space; if I, if I, if I...”.
All of a sudden we’re on a hedonistic treadmill. We can’t stop or slow down because we’ll get painfully thrown off (remind me to tell you about an awesome ER adventure I had once because of this very thing), so we just keep going. We keep buying, we keep accumulating and, much to our horror, none of the things actually make us happy, or at least not for long. What would have once felt like enough becomes not enough, so we continue to seek out more and more.
I’m not going to pretend like I’ve figured out how to gracefully get off the treadmill. There are months, weeks, or sometimes just hours that I feel like I’ve got a handle on it, but inevitably I stop being vigilant and the treadmill reappears again. What seems to work best for me is a combination of the following:
Writing down what I want and not letting myself buy until I’ve had it on my list for at least a month (I change the amount of time based on the price of the item)
Meditating (I go through phases with this, but when I’m consistent it really helps)
Practicing gratitude through daily journaling
Being so darn busy that I don’t have time to shop
Eliminating online shopping (or trying to at least…)
I also truly love beautiful things, and I believe that is okay. I don’t think that in order to be good with money you need to go off-grid and remove yourself from our capitalistic society. What I seek, and what I believe many of us seek, is a balance between buying and doing what feels good for us and stopping before it starts to feel demoralizing and hedonistic. I believe that balance exists, but I also believe it is different for each of us and will differ throughout our lives. What felt good for 22 year old me definitely doesn’t feel good for 32 year old me and that’s okay.
I’d love to hear what works for you, in part because I believe that more heads are better than one, but also because I’m desperate for an easy fix that I haven’t discovered yet. Yes, I am still an American.